Saving Lives, One Beanbag at a Time

08 May

Bill Daniel Johnson |  May 8th,2012 | ADD, Non-Fiction, Short Stories |  No Comments »

I grew up in a small Southern Baptist church in Springfield, Oregon.  Well, not really; I grew up in my parents’ home, but we attended the church for much of my childhood.

As I suspect was also the case at many other churches, the kids would go off to Sunday School – you know, the very uncreative, extrabiblical, yet nonetheless official name for any class that wasn’t the regular church service – while parents attended “big church”.

While I was in grade school, my Sunday School teachers were John and Kay Cook.  Nice couple.  I don’t remember much about them. John may have had a beard, but Kay definitely didn’t.  I do, however, remember how dedicated they were to teaching the kids in their care about God.  I still appreciate that.

I remember one particular day in Sunday School class though.  We were playing a beanbag toss game.  John would ask a question about the Bible, and then he would toss the beanbag to one of the dozen or so eagerly awaiting students, who would then try to answer the question.  The concept wasn’t hard; the questions probably simple too.  John and Kay were still happy even if you got a question wrong; the way it should be. Read the rest of this entry »

Status Updates About the Fallen Satellite

24 Sep

Bill Daniel Johnson |  September 24th,2011 | Humor, Lists |  1 Comment »

Last night, 9-23-11, a satellite fell from space.  Rather than filling up your news feeds and twitters with clever and humorous status updates, I’ve put them all here in one convenient location.
  • Today, if the British woman in my GPS needs to just talk or cry for a bit, I’ll understand.
  • Maybe the next time somebody puts something the size of a bus in outer space, they’ll consider bolting it down.
  • The authorities don’t know exactly where the satellite pieces landed, but if you were talking to somebody last night and suddenly they were replaced with a really deep hole in the ground, please tell somebody.
  • All we know is that the satellite landed somewhere near either Canada, Africa, Russia, or somewhere else in that area of the world.
  • The satellite fell, so please give me all your GPS’s, they’ll not work anymore.
  • I know exactly why NASA wants people to stay away from the fallen satellite that was the “size of a bus”… because it wasn’t a satellite… it was a bus, from space.
  • Question: Why did the satellite fall now, after all this time?  Answer: Pigs.
  • No, it wasn’t the Lifetime Network’s satellite… sorry guys.
  • No, it wasn’t ESPN’s satellite… sorry ladies.
  • If your GPS wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, please try to be understanding.

Shaming the Fool

29 Jul

Bill Daniel Johnson |  July 29th,2011 | Thoughts |  381 comments

About five days ago I became fascinated with an exchange that took place on Twitter between a very well-known Christian singer, his fans, and a very little-known individual.  It would have been fairly easy to overlook the exchange, partly because it’s somewhat typical, which is unfortunate.  Not only is it typical, I also find myself on any one of the three sides too frequently.

As you’ve probably heard, Amy Winehouse died about a week ago.  I’ll admit that, while I recognized the name, I’m less into popular music than I used to be, so I wasn’t overly familiar with who she was (I know, I know…how could I NOT know Amy Winehouse?!).  Evidently she was a popular singer that struggled with drug abuse.  I can’t tell you much more than that, simply because I don’t know much more.  But this post isn’t really about Amy Winehouse; it’s about how we as Christians respond to accusations directed at ourselves or those we admire. Read the rest of this entry »

Attention Deficit Something or other

03 Jun

Bill Daniel Johnson |  June 3rd,2011 | Thoughts |  317 comments

I joke about my ADD, but I generally don’t blame much on it.  I was diagnosed as having “ADD-like symptoms” in January of 2009.

It went something like this:

  1. Panic attack; end up in the ER.
  2. Go to therapy for anxiety.
  3. Get diagnosed with ADD.
  4. Medication and changes to habits to cope with ADD.
  5. Find funny things to say about ADD.

I feel like I can have a good sense of humor about ADD since I have it.  It’s more polite than joking about ADD when you don’t have it I guess, but I don’t usually mind either way. Read the rest of this entry »

The God of Facebook Island

30 May

Bill Daniel Johnson |  May 30th,2011 | Religion, Thoughts |  317 comments

Have you ever wished for a place like Neverland?  A place where you can escape the humdrum rules of real life and quite possibly never have to grow up?  Of course we all have days where that would be a nice reality…or unreality as it were.  Perhaps Calgon offers a powdered version of Neverland in a box – just add to a tub full of hot water.  That’s silly.

You’ve probably heard of Neverland – the place where you never have to grow up, and can fly, but what about the lesser-known Pleasure Island?  You don’t hear about it as much as Neverland.  Maybe that’s because it’s a little closer to reality.  Pleasure Island is from the story of Pinocchio.  Pinocchio and his friends are enticed to go to Pleasure Island, where they can escape authority and indulge in whatever pleasures they desire.  What they don’t realize is that, if they stay on Pleasure Island long enough, they will turn into jackasses.  No really, like with tails, hooves, and the inability to speak more than two squeaky syllables at a time. Read the rest of this entry »

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Bill Daniel Johnson

I'm a Humorist with ADD. I was diagnosed recently – just as I was getting used to the ADD. Sometimes I'm serious, like just now.